Captain’s Log: The days are long, the nights are dark, I have forgotten what it feels like to wear real pants. I feel like now this is a universal dilemma.
Okay, wait, stop. I’m lying. I haven’t regularly worn real pants since 2013. For much of my career, I’ve been lucky enough to be a freelancer who regularly wrote columns and essays from my bed. Although to be fair, I did do a stint for a few years in a company that made me show my face a few days per week and I was nice enough to wear pants. Although I doubt anyone would have been shocked if I’d showed up in a sweater with my slacks barely holding on to only one ankle and dragging behind me. Because if you meet me in real life, I’m not all that different from the person you read about here. At least I don’t think so. I guess you might be surprised that any company would pay me actual money for things like strategy or that I’ve spent a lot of my career writing about tech and software (yeah, I’m shocked too) but the rest of it is all pretty out on the table. Yeah, even at my real corporate job where I once said, “Oh well I’m sorry that I had to go to the bathroom during a meeting. The next time I’ll just sit here and bleed out. I’m sure the janitorial staff will love to clean that up or maybe they won’t. Maybe they’ll call the cops to investable the murder scene they just stumbled into.” Where my boss, the director, replied calmly (he’d worked with me for years at this point) “you can’t make me flinch with that. I have four sisters.” And then he went back to whatever thing we were meeting about like it was all totally normal because I’d probably worn him down by then. This was a long rambling road off topic. My point to all of this is that I’m no stranger to living in sweatpants but somehow this feels different because there’s no reason to wear pants. There’s nowhere to go. And it’s not my choice. And that seems pretty universal right now.
I’m not the best at having zero choices or being told no. My son is already exactly that way too. If I tell him no, he will do everything in his power to do it all damn day. If I ignore him, and redirect him, it’s like there’s nothing at all. So could someone please send me something to distract me from wanting to put on real clothes to go out in public?
So far, my main distractions are The Good Wife series, chocolate chip cookies (real pants will not fit post-quarantine), and my toddler who has made it his life’s work to crawl up the oven or tip over my bar cart. I’ve also been reading Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, editing podcast interviews (guys, they’re so great and I can’t wait to release them), and also heavily discounting Naked for quarantine because we all need a break right now. I’m also really into using the Houseparty app to chat with friends and also Zoom. There are a ton of free workouts on IG love that I’m trying to get into but my son literally latches onto my leg like a baby monkey anytime I try to work out and it would take a shoe horn to pry him off.
What are y’all doing to stay nice and distracted right now?