About M.E.

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When I was five my best friends were a couple of rocks, or “pet rocks,” as my mom called them. I used to bathe them, brush them, name them and put them to bed every night. I had virtually no real friend.

My mom is very American in a stereotypical way. Blonde hair, blue eyes and freckles, wranglers, and country music. She used to strip and wore frosted blue eyeshadow. She says things like, “don’t worry, I cooked the shit outta that pork.” My dad, on the other hand, is a Persian immigrant, a traditional, opinionated human who pronounces “sprouts,” like “spirts,” and once told me that women loved him because he had, “the voice of the angels, baby.” I grew up in the middle of those two humans and I like to tell myself that it made me “well-rounded.”

My husband is Italian. I met him while studying in Italy. I was dancing on a table when I decided to aggressively hit on him by giving him my number and commanding him to call me, “next Thursday.” We’ve been married for five years. We have a poodle who we love but who is also an asshole.

I’m currently watching a video of a handicap goat frolick. I’m a big fan of handicap animals. And, I love the majestic Capybara. For one day, I will have one and he shall be named Dwayne.

I suffer from anxiety and depression (WEEE!) and sometimes I write about it. I’m big on self-care and wellness and I write about these things, too. Other things I write about: Depressing stories from my childhood, personal essays about growing up non-Mormon in Utah, and that one time I met my dad and my mom told me to “make sure he doesn’t take you to any airports.”

 

 

19 thoughts on “About M.E.

  1. Like, whoa. Sorry to get all Valley Girl on you, but I, like, totally like your writing style. Brutal honesty is the way to go, if I’m being honest. Cheers to you and to drunks.

  2. Love your style of writing! Honestly look forward to
    Reading your posts as they often make me laugh out loud!
    Thanks for your honesty and for putting yourself out there! Bravo!!

  3. I think you are hilarious, technically I am probably an older woman but I proper love a good and appropriate swear word. Originally I’m a kiwi so pretty fluent in sweary words, but now I live in Scotland near Glasgow where they have perfected it – seriously move here as the swearing is poetic and really beautiful, they also drink a lot so apart from the crap Scottish weather life is great, I think you’d like it. Anyway I love your writing, you are brilliant

  4. I just finished “Naked”. I laughed and cried almost in equal measures. I was very concerned about your mental health, being a mental health patient myself. I was relieved to read about your ongoing treatment.
    Normal does not exist, we all live different levels of weirdness.

  5. Read your book that my cousin lent me this summer. Very entertaining and well written! I ll read your writing with pleasure!!!

  6. Just finished reading your book and really enjoyed it. I could relate on many levels–living in SLC as a gentile, living in Italy as an American, immigration bureaucracy for a foreign spouse. Also I kept wondering whether I knew your Dad when I was studying Persian at the U and going to all the Iranian parties. We’re about the right age, I think. (It was in the 80s.)
    Anyway thanks for all the laughs and insights.

    1. Hey Richard! Thank you so much. I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Oh wow, we do have a ton in common. Totally possible you would have met my dad at one of those parties. It was 100% his scene. He would have been the guy trying to repopulate America with olive babies.

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