It’s Amazing I can Walk Anywhere

There are two basic skills that I'm inexplicably terrible at: walking and swallowing. Nine times out of ten, if I'm drinking something, I choke on it. And I fall down no less than 9 times on any given day. The other morning, I took Oliver for a walk. I crossed the street and started down…

A Little Pile of Graveyard

The other night, F and I came home from a movie to find out trash destroyed and an entire chicken carcass missing. I panicked. I'd read a lot of articles about shit that dogs shouldn't eat and knew that cooked chicken bones were at the top of that list. Convinced that my dog was dying,…

7 Things I’ve Learned About Therapy

Looking back, I've definitely needed therapy for pretty much my entire life. I mean, obviously. Mostly because my childhood was,  uhm, interesting (more on that later) but also because I'm just the kind of person who needs some grounding.  A lot of grounding. Despite the fact that I've obviously always needed therapy, I've only ever sought…

10 Messages From My Dad: Have You Been Eaten By A Shark?

My dad hasn't always been a family man. But, in his old age, he's come to like the idea of being around his kids more than ever. If I don't call him for a while, he'll get offended and pretend like he doesn't know me when he answers the phone. "Oh, I'm sorry, do I…

I’d Like to Pay for That Coffee (and never have it)

My Tuesdays are hectic, mainly because they're actually my Mondays. I find myself waking up and wandering around my house aimlessly for the first twenty minutes that I'm mobile. My dog, Oliver, yawns from the couch and watches me pass by one, two, three, four times before he finally realizes that I've lost my goddamn…