My First Year of Momhood: Moms are Like Al Pacino in Yoga Pants

This week my son turned one while I’m still over here like “wow, I can’t believe I have a kid.” Because despite carrying him and birthing him and spending 24/7 with him that shit still blows my mind. It’s insane. And me being in charge of another human’s life just proves that the universe is…

What to do When Love Cannot Conquer All

The other day I met my cousin in a cafe to go over some edits we needed to make to a screenplay we wrote together. I asked her about her relationship and life and next thing you know she was basically summarizing (accidentally) all of the hard things I’ve been thinking and feeling lately. I’ve…

I am Very Important Now: Instagram Updates and a Sizzle of Firefighters

I haven't been here for a little while because I published my first book, Naked, and am now a very important and busy person. Just kidding. I'm still the same old ME who mooned her neighbor this morning from my front window only to realize she was coming to my house to say "hi" and…

36 Weeks Pregnant: Please Send This Child an Eviction Notice (and tell me I’m pretty)

Next week I'll be 37 weeks pregnant which means (according to Google and my lady doctor) that I'll be full-term. Please, someone, send this kid an eviction notice. He's taking up all of the space in my insides and I look like a candied apple, just a giant round thing on top of two sticks.…

You’re a Mom! (And No Longer a Person)

I've tried to make plans with a handful of people in the last few weeks and the conversation always goes something like this: Me: Let's go blank, blank, or blank. Their reply: You'll have a baby next year. First of all, I don't need a reminder that I'm 32 weeks pregnant. Trust me, nobody needs…

It’s Just Your Bones Breaking (NBD)

Today I had my 24-week appointment with my OBGYN, or more specifically, the PA that works at the women's clinic. She's a charming and warm woman who somehow remembers everything you ever tell her about yourself and makes every part of pregnancy seem magical without making it seem like candy-coated bullshit. We go to the…

Weird Things People Say to Pregnant Women

Ever since I announced my pregnancy, I've noticed the same comments come up over and over again. Some of them good-natured and fun and others that seem super weird. Pregnancy and children are a thing that people get really opinionated about really fast so it's been interesting, fun, weird, and sometimes weirdly offensive. "WHAT ARE…