Found This Terrifying Painting for my Guest Room.

The other day a rare thing happened, and I got an hour to myself to hang out with one of my very good friends. We got coffee and chatted about his daughter getting married, my vampire novel in the works and how it might have an offensive amount of my real life in it, and the difficulty…

I’m Not Sorry My Toddler Acts Like a Toddler, Thank You Very Much

This isn't a real post, more of a passing observation. I've noticed over the past year that I'm doing that thing that many first time parents do: Expecting way too much from my two year old. As the oldest of ninety-thousand kids, I absolutely hated this growing up. At five I was practically expected to…

Jesus Christ, Nancy: Parenting and Trolls

When I found out I was pregnant, I panicked and ran out to buy a billion books on parenting and pregnancy. I'm a reader. A nerd who researches everything. Mostly because I realized a long time ago that I mostly lack common sense and need ideas on how to function as a basic adult in…

I’m Being Stalked By A Tiny Sadist

I was sitting in the living room today, listening to Dolly Parton's Christmas album (DOLLY PARTON FOREVER) when my son came running around the corner waving a paper punch in the air. He stopped dead in his tracks about two feet from me, looked into my face with wild eyes and said, "HOLE IN NOSE!", then launched himself at my head like a Facesucker alien trying to get the office tool around my nostril.

How Bartending Prepared Me For Motherhood

A few years ago, I was stretched out on a lawn chair next to my sister’s pool when she plopped down next to me, yelled at her kids to stop getting water everywhere, and casually asked, “So are you guys going to have kids?” Already in my mid-thirties, I’d learned that this question was the…

Figuring it Out Post-Breakdown, Post-Therapy, Postpartum

I was listening to Armchair Expert the other morning while getting ready and at one point had to put down my mascara to replay a section nine-thousand times because I don’t think I’ve ever felt so seen. The episode covered racism, internalized misogyny, fear, politics, self-awareness, drugs, public masturbation, and comedy (it's really good, check…