Leo is 6 Weeks Old!

It's been a wild ride. After we brought him home from the hospital I cried a lot, had a massive anxiety attack, and spent hours wondering why someone would let me leave with a breakable human being. Who decided we were fit to do this?

36 Weeks Pregnant: Please Send This Child an Eviction Notice (and tell me I’m pretty)

Next week I'll be 37 weeks pregnant which means (according to Google and my lady doctor) that I'll be full-term. Please, someone, send this kid an eviction notice. He's taking up all of the space in my insides and I look like a candied apple, just a giant round thing on top of two sticks.…

You’re a Mom! (And No Longer a Person)

I've tried to make plans with a handful of people in the last few weeks and the conversation always goes something like this: Me: Let's go blank, blank, or blank. Their reply: You'll have a baby next year. First of all, I don't need a reminder that I'm 32 weeks pregnant. Trust me, nobody needs…

Pregnancy, Pervert Dreams, And Sex

If pregnancy makes me anything, it's horny. The first trimester was like being transported back to my teenage body where all I thought about was humping whatever crush I had at the time: Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio in Romeo and Juliet, that one guy at school with the hair. From about 6 weeks pregnant until…