What Happens When You Use AI to Process Your Own Heartbreak?

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M.E. Evans

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What Happens When You Use AI to Process Your Own Heartbreak?

I didn’t set out to write a postmortem of my marriage.

I just wanted to understand what happened.

After nearly fifteen years with the same person—years of shared routines, laughter, deep love, parenting, and unraveling—I had questions. Not the kind that get answered in therapy in one hour. The kind that live in the quiet spaces: Was it as bad as it felt? Did I miss something obvious? When exactly did we start to fall apart?

So I did what any data obsessed millenial might do: I gathered our text messages, spanning nearly a decade, and fed them into ChatGPT.

What I got back wasn’t just an answer—it was a mirror. A timeline. A trail of missed moments, escalating patterns, pleas for connection, silence, repair attempts, and resignation. I saw my own voice shift from playful to cautious. I saw the early affection give way to tension. And I saw how, little by little, we lost our grip on each other.

The result is a personal essay—one part love letter, one part case study. Not a takedown. Not a victim narrative. Just the truth as I saw it, laid bare across years of messages and memories.

If you’ve ever tried to piece together the why behind the heartbreak—this is for you.

Read the full essay here

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7 responses to “What Happens When You Use AI to Process Your Own Heartbreak?”

  1. Wynne Gavin Avatar
    Wynne Gavin

    Oh, Misty – I’m so sorry you’ve experienced all of this. I’ve thought about you several times, whenever I see your FB stories, and have often wondered what happened. Interesting that the ChatGPT seemed to capture the relationship trajectory so well (I’ve yet to try using it).

    I hope you find the peace, healing, and serenity you and your son so richly deserve. When facing adversity, I tell myself “Someday this won’t be happening” and “Everything will be alright in the end; if it’s not alright, it’s not yet the end.” You got this…hindsight is invaluable, you’ve learned SO much, and you WILL come out the other side. What little I know of you, from years of reading your Italy blog, your book, your writings since…I have every faith you’ve the strength, support (of friends) and fortitude to eventually move on with grace and elegance of mind and spirit.

    Thinking of you and sending healing vibes your way…

    Big hug, Wynne in Ohio (formerly NYC)

    Reply
    1. M.E. Evans Avatar
      M.E. Evans

      Wynne, thank you so much for your kind words and all of your support over the years. Yes, it’s been hard, and I know in my bones that I’ll be okay. I’m just sitting in the sadness and processing it all. Thank you so much for being her through so many of my ups and downs. I think of you often. -ME

      Reply
      1. wynnegavin@gmail.com Avatar
        wynnegavin@gmail.com

        If we’re ever in NYC at the same time…drinks on me! 😊

  2. Sonali Das Avatar
    Sonali Das

    I have followed you for some time and have always enjoyed your writing. You are truly gifted! This piece is absolutely gutting. It’s not easy to be married (even more complicated with someone from another country). You have captured the grief that so many have felt but been unable to articulate. For that reason, in my opinion, it is your best writing to date.

    I wish you all healing and recovery from this pain. I would not wish it on anyone—except maybe the entire Trump adminstration.

    Sonali

    Reply
  3. Denise Avatar
    Denise

    Bravo!   Wh

    Reply
  4. Deb Avatar
    Deb

    Thank you for sharing Misty, I enjoyed reading this.

    Reply
  5. mimi Avatar
    mimi

    I have felt that our lives have kind of mirrored each other’s. I started following you over a decade ago, I had moved to Portugal from Chicago. I think you had recently moved to Italy as well. I fell in love with a Portuguese man that didn’t immediately catch my fancy but once he did I could not picture my life without him. We got married around the same time you did but we didn’t move back to the States, we stayed in Portugal. We had a little girl and we separated when she was 2. I divorced him even though I was very much still in love with him because, as you said, I loved my child more and I needed to give her a better example of what a loving partnership is. We were together 10 years, married for 8. Your story resonated so much with me, thank you for writing it. Once again, our lives are mirroring each other’s and I wish they weren’t. I am so sorry you are going through this. It is so painful, worse than any physical pain. I am 3 years out and the self doubt still kicks in sometimes, the pain still rears it’s head from time to time but nowhere near the level it was at in that first year. I know I can handle anything that comes my way now….it really is true that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You made the right choice for yourself and your child and I congratulate you for having the courage to carry it through. Things will get better. Sending you lots of love.

    Reply

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Hello,

I’m m.e.evans

M.E. Evans is a journalist and the author of the bestselling feminist memoir, Naked In Italy. She is known for her stinging prose and dark humor. When she’s not holed up and writing you can find her talking about books on her podcast You’re Gonna Be Great! (YGBG!) or writing about books for the bookish lifestyle newsletter, The Main Character Society.

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