Is “love” or compatibility more important for the success of a relationship?
We all love people. We love our friends, we love our family, we love whoever is giving us a dopamine high which results in a physical addiction. A-dick-tion. But in the end when all is said and done does love even matter at all?
Too often I find myself in situations where I love the person I’m dating (because they make my junk feel good, or tell me things I hate but want to hear like “you look nice”), but I can clearly see we are not compatible. The first indication is that I want them to change something about themselves. Nobody can be in a healthy relationship where they know things have to change in order for them to be happy. I can’t change people, I know that’s not possible, but I love them and become optimistic and retarded. “If this were different I would be with them in a heart beat”. They won’t change, because they can’t. And they shouldn’t. People shouldn’t change for other people. You accept them or you don’t. End of story. I know this, yet I find myself in the situation all the bloody time.
Then, on the other hand, there are people I am perfectly compatible with. We could essentially be married til death and only attempt to kill each other once or twice, however I’m not attracted to them, or I don’t want to ruin our friendship, or they are dating a stripper. Why are all of my friends dating strippers right now, but they won’t let me be a stripper! You guys are really selfish, and hypocritical! Back to the point, i’m perfectly compatible with all of these people yet I won’t date them.
For a while I blamed exchange theory, accusing others of being imbalanced in the realm of personal value. Now, i’m blaming myself for a serious fucking fear of committment. I’m terrified of getting into a relationship that I KNOW will work. Why? Because what if it doesn’t? And what if in the end there was someone better? And why the fuck is it so goddamn hard to find someone who equals me out?
I’m a handful and I won’t even dive into the whole “what kind of asshole would want to be with me to begin with?”, because first and foremost before examining the obvious mental damage of that individual I have to figure out what about a relationship scares me so much?
I don’t like being told what to do. I don’t like feeling like I have to take care of someone, cause I usually do. I don’t like jealousy, possessive behavior, doubt or lies. I hate being attacked with a rabbit speed ram hammer called a penis, and I don’t like the fact that i’m more boyish than most boys. Maybe it’s one of those? Or maybe I’m just being a bastard because that’s what I am, and I have weird daddy issues. I don’t buy it though, fuck fraud, and not taking responsibility for my obvious issues.
Sigh. I choose “love” over compatibility because compatibility is what matters. Who cares if you love someone if they drive you mad, what matters is that you can respect them and hang out with them and be excited to see them. I’m convinced that the glorified chemical addiction called love will grow, in a real way, with someone who doesn’t make me want to wind up a backhand every time they open their mouth to say, “i love you”.