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About Me

Just a woman trying to navigate life in her 30's: An international marriage, a baby, a dickhead dog, a freelance writing career, anxiety, and a love for weird and majestic animals. I occasionally write about my childhood (my immaculate conception, my dad's unibrow, my mom's camel-toe 80's jeans) as memories are roused to life by my weekly therapy appointments. I have no idea what I'm doing.

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My Travel Blog

My Current Life In Italy

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RT @DanaSchwartzzz: hey, it's me, every girl with a boyfriend on instagram. I call him "this dork" in the photo caption so you know we have… 2 weeks ago
I was told I had a little too much to drink at the launch party. https://t.co/geIJkX5LNy 2 weeks ago

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Hi! Could you hand me a glass of wine to go with my angst and candy cigarettes? Because I’m apparently 9 and it’s 1990 again. I also can’t think about cigarettes and that time period without thinking about my mom and her iced eyeshadow and camel-toe wranglers. Photo by @dustontodd

Okay grandma.

Since Naked (in Italy) is doing so awesome I want to thank all of you by giving away a few free eBooks! Like this post and tag yo friends. Each tag counts as one entry and I’ll announce the winner on October 20th. Good luck!!! ❤️😘 If you already have a book, you can enter and gift your free copy to whoever. For more info (or to watch me argue with my dog) check out my story today. *unfortunately it’s only valid in the US.

Tell me something weird that goes on inside your head. #nakedinitaly

Today is world mental health day. I took this photo in Jan of 2017. I’m surprised by how normal I looked. I love my new outfit. I really like my makeup here. I look okay. Happy. Pretty. Normal. I was not okay. During this time I was seeing a therapist 3-4 times per week, crying hysterically in the bathroom stalls at work, could not eat, could not sleep, seeing a psychiatrist, taking Gabipentin 4-5 times per day, meditating 3-4 times per day, reading books like The Body Keeps the Score, doing yoga, and clinging desperately to my last bits of sanity and clawing my way out of the bog of chronic depression and anxious hell I’d landed in due to untreated trauma. I was diagnosed with PTSD and a panic disorder. I did EMDR. I cried some more. Then I started to feel better a little at a time. Enough to put on makeup, and a cute outfit. I learned a lot during this period. I learned so much about mental health and self care. I learned that mental illness can be a disease but it can also be situational. I developed a lot of empathy for things I’d never been that compassionate towards before. I had an interesting childhood, I’d lost my brother, I felt FINE. But I wasn’t fine. And I learned that there are some things you just can’t power through and you have to deal with head on. In therapy. Basically what I learned is that we all probably need therapy. This was years ago and I’m pretty good now. My psychiatrist removed my panic disorder diagnosis (that’s a thing!). I have way better coping mechanisms now (thank the universe) that I can teach my son because fuck trauma cycles. Right? Right. But I look at this photo and it’s a gentle reminder that we don’t know what’s going on in someone’s internal world. Just because they look fine, doesn’t mean they’re fine. Check in with the people you love today (and regularly). And create a safe space to chat about mental health. And watch Vampire Diaries and eat snacks together. #worldmentalhealthday

Bringing self-care back to 2019 with a vengeance. Four years ago this month I had a nervous breakdown that took countless hours of therapy, medication, friend support, and two years to “recover” from. There were days when I couldn’t leave my house, moments where the terror I felt seemed so permanent that I wondered if I’d ever feel sane or happy again. I did not think I’d ever get better or feel good enough to have a family. But I fought like hell and can say that even though I have a bad day here and there I’m more or less better than ever. This year has been so good. I had the best baby ever, my book released, and I’ve learned and grown so much as a human. Which worries me that any minute my brain will will freak out and be like, “remember that horrible thing that happened when you were 7? No? What about now? Yeah? LETS PROCESS THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW.” A thing I learned from my therapist is that our brains are very clever and they push hard things into the little abyss of our mind when things are hard so we can survive and thrive. It’s when things are calm and good, when we are happy and healthy, that those terrible or hard things start to come out. And the most difficult thing is that the effects hit before we know logically what’s going on. In my case, the anxiety comes first, then the insomnia, and finally the need to stay home more and talk with friends less. Then A TOTAL FUCKING MELTDOWN AND LOSS IF SANITY. I mean, I don’t turn into a murderer or anything, but I get all scared and paranoid and the world seems like a horror movie. It sucks. So I’m going to buy bath bombs, see friends, cuddle my baby, meditate, work out, and call my therapist. Because sometimes when you’re okay is when you need the most help. #selfcare #mentalhealth #anxiety

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Dante

S’io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s’i’odo il vero,
Senza tema d’infamia ti rispondo.

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