Real Talk: The Horrible Thing We Don’t Want to Talk About

Trigger warning. This is a serious post about a very uncomfortable topic.  Leo just turned five months old and I’ve been having a lot of uncomfortable feelings lately. Those two things are unrelated...kinda. Let me start again, I recently watched some terrible video that traumatized me and my anxiety is at peak levels right now…

My Ovaries Are Too Old, According To My Dad

"You know that when old people have kids, their kids are retarded," my father said while dicing vegetables. My husband shot me an angry glance, my blood boiled, my father chewed on a carrot. "So, when exactly are you having children," he continued while reaching for a cucumber. "DAD!" I groaned and tried to tune…

Does This Cup Make My Vagina Look Huge?

My friend K just moved back from France. So, it made sense for us to catch up over a FOUR HOUR phone call (it actually flew by). During this conversation, we talked about work. K is a former journalist turned evil copywriter, like me. Only, replace "journalist" with "literature major," and "pimp." We talked about the…

10 Things That I’ve Learned About Arizona

1. It's hot. Yet, white people from all over the US flock here, and then complain about the heat. 2. Pretty much everything here can kill you. Scorpions, black widows, killer bees, snakes, rednecks with guns, hungry fat girls... 3. Phoenix is actually fun and surprisingly diverse despite the staggering violations on human rights that…

Devil Insects, Emergency Death Storms, And Allergies: Welcome To Arizona.

Two months ago my husband found a job in Phoenix at an engineering firm that designs and manufactures audio systems. Arizona has never been on my list of places to live, or visit. Coming from downtown SLC, and Florence, Italy, the last place I wanted to end up was a sprawling desert. I'm too accustomed…

Stuff My Mom Says That I Wish She Wouldn’t

I went to Petco with my mom the other day to get some dog food for my poodle. I weaved through the aisles with her behind me when I heard: "My neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack, heeeeey." In my mother's voice. I spun around. "Have you heard that song?" She asked.…