My Purse is Now a Trash Can For Un-Eaten Snacks

This morning my dad called and asked if F and I wanted to get coffee with him. I had work to finish, so F went ahead and met him at a nearby cafe and I'd join them after I finished. Waiting a bit would also give my dad a solid 45 minutes or so to…

Headaches: Natures Little “Fuck You”

I'm 36 years old and up until yesterday, I could proudly declare that I'd never had a headache before. "Never?" people asked with a tinge of disbelief. "Never," I'd silently gloat. But that all changed at about eight p.m. last night. Out of nowhere, I got this weird chill and then BAM all of this…

Look Inside Your Vagina (or you’ll die)

I've had a mole on my face, next to my sideburn, for as long as I remember. It seemed innocuous enough, until recently when it started turning into some weird bumpy thing. Then, my sister who is a nursing student was all, "CANCER this and CANCER that," and I got all panicky and went to…

10 Messages From My Dad: Have You Been Eaten By A Shark?

My dad hasn't always been a family man. But, in his old age, he's come to like the idea of being around his kids more than ever. If I don't call him for a while, he'll get offended and pretend like he doesn't know me when he answers the phone. "Oh, I'm sorry, do I…