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My Purse is Now a Trash Can For Un-Eaten Snacks
This morning my dad called and asked if F and I wanted to get coffee with him. I had work to finish, so F went ahead and met him at a nearby cafe and…
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Headaches: Natures Little “Fuck You”
I’m 36 years old and up until yesterday, I could proudly declare that I’d never had a headache before. “Never?” people asked with a tinge of disbelief. “Never,” I’d silently gloat. But that all…
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A Merry Christmas Face Plant
I’ve been limping since Christmas day. A little backstory: As most of you know, my family is multicultural af. My husband is from Italy, my dad is from Iran, and that’s not even counting…
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Holiday Cheer: Am I Too Old For This?
When I was in my twenties, like most people, I partied it up. I could out-drink most of my friends and spent many a night playing air guitar on my knees in a club.…
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Look Inside Your Vagina (or you’ll die)
I’ve had a mole on my face, next to my sideburn, for as long as I remember. It seemed innocuous enough, until recently when it started turning into some weird bumpy thing. Then, my…
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Ho Ho Whore Nuts
It’s that time again, where parents encourage an overweight stranger to touch their children and whore nuts are all the rage at Whole Foods. No, it’s not one night in Bangkok, it’s Christmas. I…
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It’s Amazing I can Walk Anywhere
There are two basic skills that I’m inexplicably terrible at: walking and swallowing. Nine times out of ten, if I’m drinking something, I choke on it. And I fall down no less than 9…
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A Little Pile of Graveyard
The other night, F and I came home from a movie to find out trash destroyed and an entire chicken carcass missing. I panicked. I’d read a lot of articles about shit that dogs…
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7 Things I’ve Learned About Therapy
Looking back, I’ve definitely needed therapy for pretty much my entire life. I mean, obviously. Mostly because my childhood was, uhm, interesting (more on that later) but also because I’m just the kind of person…
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m.e. evans 