A Funny Blog About Terrible Things
I was sitting in the living room today, listening to Dolly Parton's Christmas album (DOLLY PARTON FOREVER) when my son came running around the corner waving a paper punch in the air. He stopped dead in his tracks about two feet from me, looked into my face with wild eyes and said, "HOLE IN NOSE!", then launched himself at my head like a Facesucker alien trying to get the office tool around my nostril.
It’s one of those gray windy days. The leaves are falling and rustling as they make their way across our front yard and into the neighbor’s driveway. It’s the perfect weather for writing (or reading), cozied up with a sweater, a warm cup of something, and a comfortable chair. Or in my case, a floor-length…
Buckle up, it's about to get gross. Yesterday I noticed that Leo was acting a little more defiant than usual, being a little more fussy than usual, and he had more dirty diapers than usual. But "usual" with a toddler is a stretch so I just shrugged it off to possibly too much fruit or…
A few years ago, I was stretched out on a lawn chair next to my sister’s pool when she plopped down next to me, yelled at her kids to stop getting water everywhere, and casually asked, “So are you guys going to have kids?” Already in my mid-thirties, I’d learned that this question was the…
Continue reading ➞ How Bartending Prepared Me For Motherhood
Quick question, is it technically stalking if you have no actual interest in someone? Asking for me, honestly, because yesterday I went for a nice walk and then somehow ended up knowing all of the things about some guy I’ve never seen or met and don’t really want to because from what the internet tells…
Saturday night we wept a little watching Joe Biden and Kamala Harris walk onto the stage to give their speeches. What a relief, what a win, and wow! A woman of color as vice-president and the first Italian-American first lady! Also, it was extra adorable to have the toddlers in the room chanting Joe Biden!…
This isn't a real post. I just wanted to remind everyone to get out and vote if you haven't had the chance yet or are for some reason on the fence or feeling unmotivated. I'll be the first to say that neither candidate is ideal in my opinion but we can never have a country…
I was listening to Armchair Expert the other morning while getting ready and at one point had to put down my mascara to replay a section nine-thousand times because I don’t think I’ve ever felt so seen. The episode covered racism, internalized misogyny, fear, politics, self-awareness, drugs, public masturbation, and comedy (it's really good, check…
Continue reading ➞ Figuring it Out Post-Breakdown, Post-Therapy, Postpartum
Like many of you, halloween is one of my favorite holidays (if not my absolute favorite). I have so many fun memories dressing up with my mom (she used to dress up as Dolly Parton or Elvira), seeing friends and overdosing on candy, then getting older and passing out candy, and that one time passing…
Continue reading ➞ Mamma M’s Movie Club: Best Witch And Vampire Movies to Watch on Halloween
Note: I wrote this a few days ago. On my desk, I have a photograph of my grandfather when he was young and stationed in Japan. He’s in his marines uniform somewhere on the U.S. base crouching on a grassy area next to a sign that says “keep off the grass.” He is handsome and…
Continue reading ➞ Keep Off The Grass: In Loving Memory of my Grandpa G
