My Husband Doesn’t Understand Robots

As of today, I’m 19 weeks pregnant and my husband is nesting by drinking like a frat boy and buying things that will “make cleaning easier once the baby arrives.” He bought a steam mop, which I thought was dumb because it’s basically like a Swiffer which we already have. But, I have to admit that it’s growing on me. I like that we don’t have to use any chemicals or cleaners with it because the hot water kills germs and cleans the floors really well. He also purchased a vacuum robot which I was very excited about because who doesn’t love the idea of vacuuming their house when they’re not even home? The problem is that my husband doesn’t really understand how robots work so it’s not time-saving for him at all.

We cleverly named our vacuum Deebot because that’s also the brand (look, we’re lazy, obviously, or we wouldn’t be enlisting robot help). I’ll turn Deebot on and he’ll start zigging and zagging all over the house doing his job just fine. And then my husband will realize Deebot is on and stop whatever he’s doing to follow Deebot from room to room, “helping” him by sweeping debris in front of him. My husband also likes to offer words of encouragement to the robot so it knows it’s appreciated, “he’s now doing the edges and he’s doing a great job!” while I yell back from the kitchen, “can you please leave it alone and finish taking out the trash!” One hour later our garbage will still be sitting next to the front door but the house will be free of dirt.

One thing I have to say is that getting the robot vacuum was a big win because it does a great job and makes me feel accomplished even when I haven’t done anything. I can spend all day writing and when my husband comes home and says, “You didn’t even do the dishes today?” I can say, “I vacuumed!” And so far he hasn’t called me out on it.

It’s nice to get up in the morning and drink tea, push a button and watch the little cleaning machine labor over my kitchen floor. And as an added bonus it’s entertaining to watch my husband track it like a bloodhound, racking up his Fitbit steps while he’s at it.

When my husband first brought up getting Deebot, I was worried that maybe the robot will develop feelings and then we’ll have to liberate it and will have wasted money. We were a little concerned that our dog would try to kill it because he’s tried to murder our lawnmower and our other vacuum in the past but so far we haven’t had an issue. I think it’s because Deebot is very quiet and also because we carefully introduced Deebot by covering it with dog treats while it was off and so our dog sees it as a motorized treat dispenser. Although, he doesn’t like to be near it and will often stay next to me when it’s on. I like to think that it’s because he knows I will protect him when the robots finally rise up and take over.