I’m about 22 weeks pregnant and because I found out so early (two weeks), it feels like I’ve been pregnant for exactly 22 years. It doesn’t help that I’ve literally had almost every possible pregnancy symptom ever documented: Sore hips, restless legs, all day indigestion, all day nausea, insomnia, anxiety, RAGE, and my boobs are about the size of my head. I know that I’m supposed to be “glowing” but I’m not. I’m entirely void of glow and on some days void of the will to get out of bed. I think that complaining about pregnancy is supposed to make me feel like I’m somehow less of a woman and a crap mom already but to that, I say bullshit. This kid was on purpose, I’m old af and didn’t take this decision very lightly. My husband and I have thought long and hard about what it means to be parents and I feel like I’m as ready as I can be for that aspect of it. But the pregnancy? The pregnancy is a crap side-effect to motherhood and totally over-rated if you ask me.

I have a belly now and it’s a weird adjustment. I haven’t figured out how to dress without looking like an actual homeless person and I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I feel a little uncomfortable in my own skin. I’m not used to huge boobs or being able to feel my uterus when I move a certain way. Guys, it’s freaky.

The good news is that we just had our 20-week ultrasound and baby is very healthy and a week bigger than the doctor expected (because the baby is sucking the life out of me). This kid also loves to wiggle. Every ultrasound it’s like a party in there, arms flailing, legs kicking, mouth opening and closing. We’re very happy that the baby seems so happy.

The bad news is that I for sure have a septum in my uterus and the baby is transverse and kind of curled around the septum like a donut. This puts me at risk for pre-term labor and a c-section and I absolutely don’t want either and am a little (a lot) freaked out. But we’re just trying to be positive and hope that things go well and that the baby will somehow turn itself sooner or later. Note: I sent the below image to one of my best friends and this was the conversation:

Me: This is what it looks like

Him: Please never send me a pic of your uterus again.

Me: It’s not MY uterus. It’s A uterus.

Then I sent him a picture of just blackness (I took a pic of my notebook cover) and said, “THIS IS MY CERVIX.”

Him: Did you use a headlamp to get that?

Me: I’m sending this to everyone I know.

Him: Please do.

I’ve been trying to up my self-care to keep my anxiety in check while I’m pregnant because I don’t want my kid in there like, “WHAT IS HAPPENING IN HERE?! AAAAAAAAH,” all of the time because I’m freaking out. So, I found a pregnancy pack on Headspace that is super awesome and I’ve been meditating every day. I went to acupuncture last week for my nausea and it definitely helped. And I ordered headphones for my stomach so baby and I can listen to soothing classical music together. I look insane wandering around the neighborhood with my crooked clothes with giant headphones stuck to my belly, talking to my dog, Oliver, who is in training and doing a horrible job. “A” for effort, though.

19 weeks to go, my friends.

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