39 Weeks Pregnant: My Brain is Broken

In baby news, I'm 39 weeks pregnant and it feels like someone has plucked my brain out of my skull and I'm just wandering around with my head up my ass.

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On Community

Our house in Salt Lake City, La Casa Fristy, is a tiny bungalow on a tree-lined street in a liberal neighborhood called Sugarhouse. It gets its name from the sugar beet test factory that used to be here about a hundred years ago that was owned by the Mormon church. I have no idea what…

36 Weeks Pregnant: Please Send This Child an Eviction Notice (and tell me I’m pretty)

Next week I'll be 37 weeks pregnant which means (according to Google and my lady doctor) that I'll be full-term. Please, someone, send this kid an eviction notice. He's taking up all of the space in my insides and I look like a candied apple, just a giant round thing on top of two sticks.…

You’re a Mom! (And No Longer a Person)

I've tried to make plans with a handful of people in the last few weeks and the conversation always goes something like this: Me: Let's go blank, blank, or blank. Their reply: You'll have a baby next year. First of all, I don't need a reminder that I'm 32 weeks pregnant. Trust me, nobody needs…