My Birth Story: My Vagina is Just Fine, Thanks

On January 5th, Francesco and I had dinner at a favorite restaurant of ours, one of those "southern style" places that serve the kind of comfort food that you crave when you're sad and delivers you one meal closer to a heart attack. Francesco was gnawing on fried chicken,  I sliced away at fried green…

36 Weeks Pregnant: Please Send This Child an Eviction Notice (and tell me I’m pretty)

Next week I'll be 37 weeks pregnant which means (according to Google and my lady doctor) that I'll be full-term. Please, someone, send this kid an eviction notice. He's taking up all of the space in my insides and I look like a candied apple, just a giant round thing on top of two sticks.…

You’re a Mom! (And No Longer a Person)

I've tried to make plans with a handful of people in the last few weeks and the conversation always goes something like this: Me: Let's go blank, blank, or blank. Their reply: You'll have a baby next year. First of all, I don't need a reminder that I'm 32 weeks pregnant. Trust me, nobody needs…